psstt...

Just waiting my turn doing presentation..the last one for today...and more important just few hours left before going back to Mache...just keep myself buzy looking people surround me..most of them get something to do..so why keep bugging othe people business..better keep my calm and wait for my turn...tommorow I'm going to meet my mama and abah, my little sister mimi and angah will be home this Friday..miss them all...and tonight I'm going to break fast with my fellow Kelantanese at Padang Jawa,..see you guys tonight...

happy...oh... happy...

I'm so glad..today was my final presentations and I'm going to take break for a while..I think there is enough time for me rest my brain..pity him..keep working all the time and he may need some rest just like myself..After rough weekend thing going bit smooth and I know after raya there will more workload waiting..arghh..but still I can't escape, that my responsible and I need to be prepared as always..still during this short raya break I get chances to get along with my family and friends..and the other things I'm going to enjoy this...I'm really into it..Owh..the final thing is I'm not going to trouble myself again..I'm pushing myself too hard for a certain period..I'm going to let it go and let things flow as usual and not the unusual way I used to follow..To my dear aina...again and again..I'm thinking again what you said to me earlier...and to me memories will always be the most valuable things in my life..but not for now...I'm waiting for right moments...I'm so happy and really happy when someone noticed I'm "debab"...(actually I'm suffered weight lost few month ago and I'm gaining some extra weight...haha..what a relief....please..don't say I'm "kurus" lagi..)...lalala..happy2... :)

I'm off to my hometown..

Menghitung detik untuk pulang ke kampung...satu perasaan rindu dan tak sabar2 nak bertemu abah dan mama...Esok ada presentation pagi dan petang tapi semua tu tak menggusarkan lagi dan semua masalah yang terbeban rasa macam terhapus..semua kerisauan dan kegelisahan selama terhapus...di kesempatan ni pada kawan yang membaca saya menyusun sepuluh jari dengan seikhlas hati saya memohon kemaafaan atas kesalahan dan dosa2 saya..pada kawan baik saya yg selalu disalah ertikan oleh semua orang..miss aina...fiq mintak maaf banyak2..selamat hari raya dear..thankz jadi pendengar bebelan dan ratapan fiq..to all my housemate, sidae, iwan, badai, shah, amin, faizal dan apex..selamat hari raya...maaf zahir batin guys..Tak lupa buat semua kawan2 sekelas..Have a safe journey home...Jumpe lg pas cuti raye ni...Not forgotten "awak" selamat hari raya..maaf zahir batin...

Malam di dapur memasang pelita,

Penambah seri tika gerhana,

Salam dihulur ampun dipinta,
Aidilfitri pasti lebih bermakna,

semua terlukis di wajahku???

Sebenarnya aku tak bley nak mendefinisikan diri sendiri..lebey2 lg dari view orang len..tiap orang takkan sama...anyway thanx, pe yang di bgtaw teramat berguna...nampak ketara sangat ke dilema kat wajah aku??..semua yang aku lalui susah senang aku selama ni tertitip kat situ..bagus gak sebenarnya cam2..xperlu lagi nak terangkan kat sape2...die bley pham sendiri cam baca buku..haha...kalau la semudah 2...hidup manusia terlalu complexs..atau aku ni betul2 manusia subjektif..semua tertera kat situ senang dibca dan diteka..sumenya predictable..pe2 jer la xkisah..I appreciate sgt dgn advice akak kite bg,..tHanXz..:D..

kotak kaca hati...

Wish I could talk to someone right now..but it seem impossible..no matter how hard I wish, I know I can't do that..At this moment I try to keep my head..but I can't do that, everything seem going against my will..I'm really short on time..Soon everything going to end up the opposite way...I try to keep my calm but my body against my will...I keep myself busy doing everything that I never do before..I'm looking for answer but there are only questions...I'm looking for solutions but there more problems arise..It not suppose to be this way but I remain keep myself into trouble..Now I'm in big trouble and I jump into deep..I'm looking for help but I know no one cant help myself except me...I try to avoid tings but soon everything become more complicated..I'm seeking for strength to overcome my weakness..The greatest weakness of all...but the problems remain myself..My word seem meaningless, my silence made it worst..Worst than I can imagine..grant my wish please..I just want it over...I want get through...Let me escape..Let me free...Let me breath the way I used to be..Don't let me be "kotak kaca hati"...look cold outside but the heat were inside...I don't want end up like this and I don't deserve it...

hari ni 19 september...

Sebenarnya tak tahu nak buat ape malam ni...sambil tunggu kawan datang amik..malam ni bley sepak bola..dah lame tak main..terutama bulan2 pose ni...tadi sempat gak aku kemas alamari aku yang dah rupanya xnampak cam almari..terjumpa barang2 lama, ingatkan aku dah buang tapi still de lagi dalam simpanan aku..so aku kumpulkan semua & letak dalam kotak..rasanya lagi baik aku simpankan jer kat umah..sempat lagi aku baca kad2 yang awak tulis..rasa cam semalam jer kenal awak..puasa kali ni saya pernah bukak sorg2..kalau dulu tak pernah..sahur pun kalau de kesemapatan awak still masakkan untuk saya..even simple camne masakan awak saya hargai..yang saya tau awk buat ikhlas untuk saya,walau saya tak mintak still awk buatkan..saya rindu waktu kita bukak puasa sama2..tapi yang penting sekarang saya tau awk gembira, awak dapat pe yg saya tak mampu buat dan beri kat awak..saya tau silap saya tapi semua bukan kesalahan saya jer kan..tadi masa pergi beli makanan terserempak dengan awak..tapi saya buat tak tau jer..rasanya kalau saya tegur pun dah takde apa2 makna..bukan kita bermusuh dan berdendam..tapi keadaan tak sama..dan saya ambil masa terlalu lama nak terima semua ni..saya tak minta dimaafkan..cukup la kalau awak dapat penuhi impian awak..kenangan kita tak pernah saya buang..mungkin bila saya teringat dan rindukan semua 2 saya akan tengok balik semua yang pernah awk bagi pada saya...persaaan sayang jer tak cukup, perlu lebih dari tu untuk bahagiakan seseorang..itu yang saya belajar dari awak..

~Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume. ~
Jean de Boufflers

awkward face...or plastic smile...

While I'm waiting my "bukak pose"...I'm going to write as all my friends busy with their "hibernation",...on my way to faculty I met my old "jiran" or whatever i should called her....since she used to live in the same neighbourhood as mine...I'm not going say anything bad about you especially in the fasting month...should I say hi...or what...I just managed to smile, I think that enough...or should I told my old "jiran"....I'm doing great and better than ever...Especially with your awkward face each time I jump into you...and my eulogize for you old "jiran", you did great...so you deserved my standing ovation..wahaha...selamat berbuka...