left over but not left behid

the harder you push the further it may get, but its not end of everything..I may left over but totally not behind..just need space and fresh air so I can bounce back again much stronger and more competitive..Its not happen for the first time, and Im not taking it lightly each time it happen..but whatsoever written behind it im ready to accept the fact that Im not gonna make it this time.and the one to blame was myself and hope my pray and effort can fruit success next time..

Lupa terlupa dan btul2 lupa..

not my intention to forget but I'm really out of my mind(just for 1 second)..first of all, everything happend surround me and Im acting like Im not exist..haha..n really sorry my dear..I'm forget your besday..feeling really guilty..Im so sorry..anyway happy belated birthday..and hope you always be happy and wish all your dreams come true..

"dekat boleh dinampak tapi tak dirasai..jauh mungkin terlepas pandang namun ada di hati.."

selamat hari lahir..

today 2nd December 2008, congratulation and happy 23rd birthday..ops..already forgotten me..Its not big deal..ngee..silamat panjang umuq & ditunaikan segala impian jadi kenyataan...

"hari ini,kelmarin dan selamanya..tetap yang sama.."

bangun la kengkawan ku..da kl 3 nih..ngee..

Most of my friends already bid farewell, but not for us as we are staying for a while to have some memorable moment together...but this is not good bye yet cause we'll going to meet again in the future..

p/s: this post is respond to Ms Aina (da xbsawang dah..)

soklan yg tak dapat dijawab a.k.a mmg xde jawapan..

di keakhiran ni sume begitu jelas dan ketara...dan sampai sekarang pun masih dalam keraguan..kepastian yang di cari seakan tiada..apapun, semua berakhir dengan cara yg tak sepatutnya tapi masih boleh bersyukur sebab hingga saat akhir ini dapat lagi aku berfikir dengan waras dan rasional.pasal soalan tu sampai sekarang pun tak ada jawapan yang setimpal dan membolehkan semua persoalan itu di jawab dan jawapan itu memang tak ada dan takkan ada..jadi persoalan tu akan kekal sebagai satu persoalan..dan biar ia terhenti di situ.tak perlu dibangkitkan lagi..dan aku masih percaya soalan itu semakin dilupakan dan aku pun dah lupa kalau2 ada jawapan..tapi ternyata tak ada jawapan yang memuaskan..tapi still bersyukur sebab soalan tu tak ada dalam exam aku hari tu..cuma hari yang mendatang pasti akan ada soalan yang sama..dan harus mula dipikirkan dari sekarang jawapan..dan yang pasti aku ada jawapan tapi tak bertepatan dengan kehendak soalan..

persoalan demi persoalan,

tapi bukan jawapan yang dicari,

tapi menjawab keraguan,

memberi kepastian,

mengelak kekeliruan,

menghapus kesangsian...

namun bukan semua ada jawapan..

This how you repay me...

Bla..bla..bla..stop talking for a while..such a nuisance..really tired lately but still afford to be patient..ngee...oh lately...such a pleasant cause I don't have to hear anything from you..so leave some space for me here..I need to breath..and everything around me seem go against me..and this room I'm staying so hot (sebenarnya kipas rosak: sgt berpeluh2 kepanasan)...and this posting actually to my roommate (plezz be patient guys..aku pun panas arr...)

did I??

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time." Abraham Lincoln's

Did I fool someone or myself lately??

aku cibuk ke skang ni??

bz & bz..tp xtaw la pe yg aku membzkan diri..hehe..tp ari ni de ksempatan nk tulis ckit..tingin sgt nk tengok "budak kelantan"...semlm dak2 ni da g tgk tp agak membzkan dr g..sgghnya cter 2 agak besh bg dak2 umah aku..xtaw la pe sbbnya..maybe sbb diorg pun berlakon..ma housemate la pelakon tersebut walopun sbg pelakon pembantu tp platform yg agak bgs bg diorg..moga success in future guys..sorg membawa watak selaku mat rempit klate..n sorg g sbg insan yg kejenya mencuri d 7E..adess..klu de keksgn mlm ni maw nonton gak..harap2 de ksg..pd kengkawan..support la industri filem kite..kwn2 kite gak 2...uitm selamanya..

hari ni..mlm tadi...

ntah lor nk kate bad day or good day..berita baik or berita buruk..anyway..happy for u..really ensem boy..no wonder la..da xyah jln kaki..da xyah naik bus..da xyah susah g..wishing u all d happiness n greatness dat destiny for both of you..n mlm ni aku lepak dgn shah..ahaha..luah perasaan, da xde tmpat nk bercerita..kawan saya mogok sebab die ckp sy invi..sy invi bersebab..nk jaga pandangan mata org len..ahaha..n to my dear "saya masih single"..bkn im not single...ngee...sal dia, sy xdeclared pe2 g n menyebabkn sy mendapat komitmen yg xsepatutnya..feedback diperlukan dengan kadar segera..n dear mlm ni sy sgt sedey tp sy xnk ckp sal 2 n sy xde tmpat bercerita td..sy tgk bola dgn mata yg berair..sekian sude..

entah lorr..

dalam sayang ada benci
tapi bila hilang kebencian
hilanglah rasa sayang..

"what I'm wrote not supposedly reflect how I'm feeling..

love playing with words.."

love & hate..

Totally 2 different things, totally going against each other..hate can exist before love..so do love...but what brought us here not hate,..love..and after my history lesson today, hehe..i should made it clear..that I'm not going against anyone even someone from my past..no matter how hard I'm suffer before..I like be myself, no matter how people hate me and going against me..I'm not going do the same..Hate just bring more damage to my life and I think I did enough damage already..

saya tak bley tdo..

arghh..overdos tdo ptg td..mlm nih dah xley tdo...nyesal..adeii...mate ngah segar..saje nk merapu pagi2 ni smbil buang masa..amik peduli yang amat menyakitkan ati..dan wat tak amik peduli pun jadi satu kesalahan..saya tercepit nih..jadi wat tak tahu sudah..bkn xnk amik taw tapi rasa lg baik wat tak tahu..apa aku merapu nih...tolong..saya maw tdo..sok klas kul 8...

cbuknyerr...

di akhir2 ni kepenatan..kepenatan dan kesibukan yang menemani diri..fuhh..ahad pun still de klas..nak kaur pun memang dah tak de mood..hari minggu yang bosan...amat bosan..pe cerite klu dah nk exam pun keje still bertimbun..bkn tak buat tp mkn bertambah...jadi marilah bersama2 mengejar dateline..ahaha..tentatif program utk jam seterusnya adalah karam utk beberapa jam..jadi da xyah membuang masa..marilah mereput..

Fuhh..penat...

Bila dah makin besar nih..dah rasa makin dewasa..cehh2...betul la..tak tipu ckit pun..sok de test DL..final test lak 2..tapi dalam pale still kosong..dengan mimpi ngeri yg aku dapat semalam..fuhh..walaupun sekadar mainan tidorr..tapi aku tul tak nak mimpi tu...cukup la..bagi la ruang untuk diri aku walaun kadang aku berharap sgt (tu pun masa rindu bangat..sampai aku tido dalam kerinduan..)Sekarang, semuanya dah berbeza, aku senyum walau bukan plastik tapi agak getah gak bila situasi yang aku tak bape nak suka..rasa cam gusi dah macam chewing gum..ley2 kunyah jerr..i'm meeting someone..totally opposite character..tp nk wat camne..hadap jer la..walopun masing2 cuma nk game antara satu sama lain..tapi still i bley follow g game nih..(p/s..dear aina pesal la i gatal2 cari masalah..haha)..semua tuh tak penting..yang aku tau plastik dan getah still dalam keluarga polimer..adeii..jd aku ORI..haha..ikhlas la maksud aku...kla out lu..nak stadi...

there more about life...

Finally back at my best, there nothing going make me annoyed and I'm not regret anymore for what happend. Before i take all the blame myself and it make me really depressed but not anymore..there thousand reasons why I should keep my head up high. I give everything and my best for things I did before..so don't blame me if I feel being treated unfair..That not the real problem, I'm depend too much on other person for my happiness and now I create my own. Sincerely, no more grudge and hard feeling..I'm wrong???I admit I did wrong thing in the past, but not now...I'm happy the way I am now..Upset??Sorrow??There no place for such things in my life right now, I'm busy with my own things and things that I never had chance doing before...there more about life and there more things I want try..I want new adventure and new challenge...hope it awaiting me in future...so there no need for bbb, right dear???yerxxxxx....

raya yang kosong...=(

tak tahu nak digambarkan camne lagi..raye kali ni agak membosankan..kosong..dengan maaf tak terucap dan rasa sekali lagi aku membodohkan diri buat perkara yang tak patut dibuat..apa pun bukan hak kita selain menungkap perkataan maaf..and to mizly...jangan gado2 lagi, selagi ley settle try settle elok2..epi2 la slalu pasni..=)

syawal...kerinduanku...

syawal satu kerinduanku...malam ni aku tido lewat lg..tolong mama siapkan santapan esok..kesian lak tengok die sorang2 kat dapur...adik2 lain sume da tido..penat siapkan persediaan untuk sok..aku rindu dengan arwah atuk..sok masa semayang raya mesti aku terbayang dia kat mimbar bacakan khutbah..dan masih lagi aku terbayangkan dia mengimamkan solat sunat aidilfitri..rasa cam semalam jer..sok aku mesti ziarahi pusara atuk..aku janji..balik ni lasngsung takde kesempatan aku nak ke sana..al-fatihah untuk atuk...malam ni aku sempat berbual panjang dengan rakan karib aku..semua yang aku hdapai aku ceritakan padanya..walaupun penat drive still bley dengar masalah aku..thankz..ko la sahabat aku dunia akhirat..pada kesempatan ni aku susun sepuluh jari..pohon kemaafan...mungkin aku dah buat kesalahan pada korg dan buat korg terasa ati..maafkan la saya..saya tak sengaja dan kadang2 keadaan yang memaksa saya buat cam2...sama2 la kita bermaafaan..salam adilfitri..takley nak celoteh panjang lagi..nak kena turun g dapur..

psstt...

Just waiting my turn doing presentation..the last one for today...and more important just few hours left before going back to Mache...just keep myself buzy looking people surround me..most of them get something to do..so why keep bugging othe people business..better keep my calm and wait for my turn...tommorow I'm going to meet my mama and abah, my little sister mimi and angah will be home this Friday..miss them all...and tonight I'm going to break fast with my fellow Kelantanese at Padang Jawa,..see you guys tonight...

happy...oh... happy...

I'm so glad..today was my final presentations and I'm going to take break for a while..I think there is enough time for me rest my brain..pity him..keep working all the time and he may need some rest just like myself..After rough weekend thing going bit smooth and I know after raya there will more workload waiting..arghh..but still I can't escape, that my responsible and I need to be prepared as always..still during this short raya break I get chances to get along with my family and friends..and the other things I'm going to enjoy this...I'm really into it..Owh..the final thing is I'm not going to trouble myself again..I'm pushing myself too hard for a certain period..I'm going to let it go and let things flow as usual and not the unusual way I used to follow..To my dear aina...again and again..I'm thinking again what you said to me earlier...and to me memories will always be the most valuable things in my life..but not for now...I'm waiting for right moments...I'm so happy and really happy when someone noticed I'm "debab"...(actually I'm suffered weight lost few month ago and I'm gaining some extra weight...haha..what a relief....please..don't say I'm "kurus" lagi..)...lalala..happy2... :)

I'm off to my hometown..

Menghitung detik untuk pulang ke kampung...satu perasaan rindu dan tak sabar2 nak bertemu abah dan mama...Esok ada presentation pagi dan petang tapi semua tu tak menggusarkan lagi dan semua masalah yang terbeban rasa macam terhapus..semua kerisauan dan kegelisahan selama terhapus...di kesempatan ni pada kawan yang membaca saya menyusun sepuluh jari dengan seikhlas hati saya memohon kemaafaan atas kesalahan dan dosa2 saya..pada kawan baik saya yg selalu disalah ertikan oleh semua orang..miss aina...fiq mintak maaf banyak2..selamat hari raya dear..thankz jadi pendengar bebelan dan ratapan fiq..to all my housemate, sidae, iwan, badai, shah, amin, faizal dan apex..selamat hari raya...maaf zahir batin guys..Tak lupa buat semua kawan2 sekelas..Have a safe journey home...Jumpe lg pas cuti raye ni...Not forgotten "awak" selamat hari raya..maaf zahir batin...

Malam di dapur memasang pelita,

Penambah seri tika gerhana,

Salam dihulur ampun dipinta,
Aidilfitri pasti lebih bermakna,

semua terlukis di wajahku???

Sebenarnya aku tak bley nak mendefinisikan diri sendiri..lebey2 lg dari view orang len..tiap orang takkan sama...anyway thanx, pe yang di bgtaw teramat berguna...nampak ketara sangat ke dilema kat wajah aku??..semua yang aku lalui susah senang aku selama ni tertitip kat situ..bagus gak sebenarnya cam2..xperlu lagi nak terangkan kat sape2...die bley pham sendiri cam baca buku..haha...kalau la semudah 2...hidup manusia terlalu complexs..atau aku ni betul2 manusia subjektif..semua tertera kat situ senang dibca dan diteka..sumenya predictable..pe2 jer la xkisah..I appreciate sgt dgn advice akak kite bg,..tHanXz..:D..

kotak kaca hati...

Wish I could talk to someone right now..but it seem impossible..no matter how hard I wish, I know I can't do that..At this moment I try to keep my head..but I can't do that, everything seem going against my will..I'm really short on time..Soon everything going to end up the opposite way...I try to keep my calm but my body against my will...I keep myself busy doing everything that I never do before..I'm looking for answer but there are only questions...I'm looking for solutions but there more problems arise..It not suppose to be this way but I remain keep myself into trouble..Now I'm in big trouble and I jump into deep..I'm looking for help but I know no one cant help myself except me...I try to avoid tings but soon everything become more complicated..I'm seeking for strength to overcome my weakness..The greatest weakness of all...but the problems remain myself..My word seem meaningless, my silence made it worst..Worst than I can imagine..grant my wish please..I just want it over...I want get through...Let me escape..Let me free...Let me breath the way I used to be..Don't let me be "kotak kaca hati"...look cold outside but the heat were inside...I don't want end up like this and I don't deserve it...

hari ni 19 september...

Sebenarnya tak tahu nak buat ape malam ni...sambil tunggu kawan datang amik..malam ni bley sepak bola..dah lame tak main..terutama bulan2 pose ni...tadi sempat gak aku kemas alamari aku yang dah rupanya xnampak cam almari..terjumpa barang2 lama, ingatkan aku dah buang tapi still de lagi dalam simpanan aku..so aku kumpulkan semua & letak dalam kotak..rasanya lagi baik aku simpankan jer kat umah..sempat lagi aku baca kad2 yang awak tulis..rasa cam semalam jer kenal awak..puasa kali ni saya pernah bukak sorg2..kalau dulu tak pernah..sahur pun kalau de kesemapatan awak still masakkan untuk saya..even simple camne masakan awak saya hargai..yang saya tau awk buat ikhlas untuk saya,walau saya tak mintak still awk buatkan..saya rindu waktu kita bukak puasa sama2..tapi yang penting sekarang saya tau awk gembira, awak dapat pe yg saya tak mampu buat dan beri kat awak..saya tau silap saya tapi semua bukan kesalahan saya jer kan..tadi masa pergi beli makanan terserempak dengan awak..tapi saya buat tak tau jer..rasanya kalau saya tegur pun dah takde apa2 makna..bukan kita bermusuh dan berdendam..tapi keadaan tak sama..dan saya ambil masa terlalu lama nak terima semua ni..saya tak minta dimaafkan..cukup la kalau awak dapat penuhi impian awak..kenangan kita tak pernah saya buang..mungkin bila saya teringat dan rindukan semua 2 saya akan tengok balik semua yang pernah awk bagi pada saya...persaaan sayang jer tak cukup, perlu lebih dari tu untuk bahagiakan seseorang..itu yang saya belajar dari awak..

~Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume. ~
Jean de Boufflers

awkward face...or plastic smile...

While I'm waiting my "bukak pose"...I'm going to write as all my friends busy with their "hibernation",...on my way to faculty I met my old "jiran" or whatever i should called her....since she used to live in the same neighbourhood as mine...I'm not going say anything bad about you especially in the fasting month...should I say hi...or what...I just managed to smile, I think that enough...or should I told my old "jiran"....I'm doing great and better than ever...Especially with your awkward face each time I jump into you...and my eulogize for you old "jiran", you did great...so you deserved my standing ovation..wahaha...selamat berbuka...

lately I......

I'm so happy on how things going on lately, I keep my head and calm...Guest nothing going tormenting my day...Its peaceful day to enjoy by myself and may be I can share it with my friends...Soon everything going back to normal and lately I start to enjoy my day...No more regret about what happen in the past...I'm finally changed and I find my strength...overcome my weakness, but still I'm not going to forget everything..for me there still something to remember...Even the bitter part, its still worth to remember...It was good experience I have...and luckily I still know how to smile... :)

birth flower and month...

JANUARY: Carnation: Fascination, distinction, divine love, woman, and yes.

FEBRUARY: Violet: Modesty, faithfulness, innocence, understated beauty, you're in my thoughts.

MARCH: Daffodil: Regard, rebirth, new beginnings, unrequited love, you're the only one, chivalry, eternal life.

APRIL: Sweet Pea: Lasting pleasure, good-bye, departure, blissful pleasure, thank you for a lovely time, I think of you.

MAY: Lily of the Valley: Return of happiness, purity of heart, sweetness, you've made my life complete, humility, happiness, love's good fortune.

JUNE: Rose: Love, passion, perfection. The rose was named for the Latin word “rosa” which means red. It has been a symbol of love since ancient times.

JULY: Larkspur: Fickleness, ardent attachment, levity, lightness.

AUGUST: Gladiolus: Strength of character, remembrance, infatuation, splendid beauty, give me a break, I'm really sincere, flower of the Gladiators, admiration, tells recipients that they pierce the heart like a sword. Because the gladiolus has blade-shaped leaves, the name comes from the Latin word “gladius” which means sword.

SEPTEMBER: Aster: Variety, elegance, daintiness. It was named for the Latin word for "star."

OCTOBER: Calendula: Grace, grief, jealousy.

NOVEMBER: Chrysanthemum: Cheerfulness, optimism, rest, truth, long life, joy.

DECEMBER: Narcissus: Egotism, conceit, self love, self admiration, formality, stay as sweet as you are.

Should I feel sorry???

Actually, takde kena mengena dengan tajuk pun..dah lama tak buat karangan terpesong..rinduplak rasanya..adess...kelas ari ni siap cancel, yang hangin nyer tak tau pon klas cancel..dah setengah jam duk dalam lab cam tikus makmal...baru la de yg nak bgtau..asal tak bagitau sok jer..anyway thankz still bagitaw..haha..balik umah ingat nak tido..tapi tengok dalam "to do list" aku still manyak mende g...& sukacitanya bertambah lagi satu..jap g possibility untuk membanyakkan perkara dlm list aku tetap ada..tapi harap2 accept...jgn la reject lagi...da pnat weii...3 ari aku duk wat mende 2 jer...

this is my story...

After last night, that was really huge relief for me..Things going really smooth as I wish...For several months, things changed and I'm happy with how im progress...quite slow but still on the right track...last night I went back and cause I'm so tired I just fell to sleep..Feel like a long sleep and like I never experienced once...Such a relief all my burden and pain went away with that sleepiest night...I deserved it...cause this is my life...this is my story...

What I'm feel...

No one like being miserable...

"I were rather do nothing and be happy, than do something I don't love"

The long await moment

Feww... today was so tiring… still can’t escape from daily busy routine…sick sad little life but I still adore my life cause I’m the one coloring it...I’m not letting go every moments I had and there no one going take it away…Even when something you thing you missing but its still there…cause memories going be there everlasting…Whether it’s wrong or right there no one going stop you remembering what you created cause that the colorful of life...You used to fill it and color it…From empty canvas into masterpieces of your own…No one reluctant to leave what they created…Even say memories not value as money…Yes you are right, we can’t make without it…But think again, are you already start from one...no, everyone start from nothing…null…As you walk away in your life…don’t forget your past…where you came from…and what are you are made of today…are results from the past…everyone that used get along with you, from the beginning until the end of this journey,...even that time I’m not longer a young man…Older than today, wiser than before…Like this words I’m wrote, each words that represents my life journey…I’m going to fade away soon...but what I’m created today you will remember...even now you rather to forget but someday I’m sure there will be… something that remind you of me…Until this long await moment, keep moving…keep pushing cause we don’t know what waiting us onward,…Behold…cause I’m going to wait for this long await moment…and I’m sure that soon it’s going to be mine…

Sapekah gerangan diri tuan hamba???

Episod teringat..haha..asalnya xmau tulis tp bila sesorg yg xpnah2 aku knal & xtau mana asal muncul ecara tiba2..kite kawan ke??kalau nk berkawan memang xkisah..tapi kalau hadir setakat nk menyusahkan hidup aku..xpayah la..aku tak ganggu pun hidup korang @ aku ganggu hidup seseorang yg korg kenal..kalau ye bagi la salam..kite manusia bertamadun..mkn canggih teknologi bkn menyuruh kite lupakan yg wajib bg umat islam..bulan baik & mulia ni..tak mau aku nak cetuskan permusuhan..lgpun memang bkn cara aku..cakap la yg nk korg cakap tp aku takkan ikut cara korg..aku ngan cara aku sendiri..anyway selamat berbuka..n salam..maaf terlupa bagi salam awal td..mundur dulu..

wAtEveRr...

what make you a perfect guy??

1. make someone with you laugh...
2. or make them crying to die..

what make you a great lover??

1.  care everything about her..
2. or just let her pull over...

what make you a great soulmate???

1. feel her sadness and get through her sorrow..
2. or make her feel sorry for all her life..

what make you feel happy??

1. ask yourself
2. of course you have the answer
   

Im your worst enemy ever..Did I??

I used to be your best buddy..
but at the same time I can be your worst enemy..
really??
I used to be someone you love and respect utmost..
but now I used to be your worst nightmare and the person you hate most..
I used to be your playmate and your best friend..
but now I used to be your foe..
I used to be loved..
and I don't mind to be hate..
I used to be missed when I'm not around...
but now I'm ready to be forgotten..
I used to miss you..
I used to write our memories..
but I"m not used to write out what we created..
I don't mind sitting for hours waiting you..
and I don't mind chasing you in the pouring rain..
but I'm not used to be alone like this...
I'm not used to live like this..
but since you left..I must get used with everything you left..
I missed everything about you..
I used to see you smile..
I used to wipe your tears when you sad...
and now I had to get used with it...

What Ahmad Syafiq Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are. You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth. You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

miles of smiles

thousands reason for me to smile,
thousands reason for me not to cry...

betul2 takde mood nk wrote bila tau perkara yg sebenarnya..tapi still cuba perbetulkan keadaan selagi termampu..im not that bad..i confess everythin i did before was wrong..and i'm not stopping asking forgiveness from my creator..What should I do? What I'm feel right know??? :(

~desir angin mengusap dawai biola..~

desirmu halus,

gemercing,..nyaring..
halus tapi dingin menyerang..
menyentuh wajah yang tak tersembunyi dilemanya,..
gemersik iramamu membuai diriku,
bila desir angin mengusap dawai biola,
aku hidup kembali dalam kenanganku,
yang masih berbaki sisanya..
bila desir angin mengusap kembali,
bangkit aku tersedar..
aku sendiri di tirai mimpi yang sepi..
bila angin mengusap dawai biola..
buatku terkedu yang nawaitu belum mampu untuk gapai langitmu..
tingginya setebal impiku..
bila angin mengusap dawai biolaku..
bunyinya sayup..
sebelum lenyap ditelan sunyiku..

~keep singing that old lullaby..~

Dalam sejuk beku camni la nak teringat balik..kawan2 lame..masa camni duk ramai2 melalak sampai ke pagi..da lamer xmelalak ngan korang..pe la citer korang skarang..yg ne da kawen ms cuti ari 2..maaf sbb xattend majlis korg..taw2 la camne aku nih..dan buat sesorg yg dah lame kite knal..aku bkn cam lu..aku bkn lg org yg ko knal masa skola lu..cukup arr..aku da maafkan ko..bende 2 da bertahun jadi so xyah la ko sebut balik cam semalam wat aku mkn sakit kepala..bagi la aku tenang kat cni..ni dah sem last..aku pun nk de pe yg korg da kecapi..maybe aku slow skit..dan aku xpandai cam korang..tapi slow2 bikin...aku tau apa aku nak..n buat kamu..ni bkn zaman skola lagi..bukak buku baru..xyah nk berdarah2 g cam lu..pe pun ko tetap kawan aku..xpenah aku buang ko..ko jer lupa kat aku..aku still igt lg ari kite nyanyi ramai2..n still aku harap de ari 2..

aRgHhhh....

Pagi tadi aku rasa cam nak balik umah jer..tensen sgt..test susah yang amat..tapi nak salahkan sape kalau bukan diri sendiri..ntah bila la nak sedar..aku pun tak tau..dah bape bulan berterusan camni dan paling aku tak suke masa nak test masa 2 la segala macam memori kembali dalam kepala otak aku yg agak dah mengecil kapsitinya..dah penuh dengan masalah yang aku tambah dan ciptakan sendiri..tapi takde orang lain nak disalahkan melainkan diri aku sendiri..aku betul2 nak balik umah..

0uT_0f_LuCk..rEaLLy???

I'm out 0f luck..really??haha..I don't mind...do we desperately need luck??it just cliche..a modern life don't need luck elements no more..the hardest you battling the finest you get..that my way of life..so get out of the luck idea from my head..honestly, I don't need luck to be success...anyway, better than stuck here with that aged idea..i'm not kind a man that perish to my destiny...I own my destiny...and now I get it..thankz 4 the brilliant idea...so for luck..there no room for you here...so get out..I really dont need you...sayonara,..bon vovage,..or "selamat tinggal" as we said in malay... ^~(".)~^

pose2..[chapter2]

Kemalasan melanda diri lagi..hari ini teramat malas nak masak, so beli jer la juadah untuk berbuka..n agak sentil bile nk ke giant semata2 nk beli juadah..kat depan ni pun de..tp xpe janji kena dengan selera..aku ngah tulis ni sambil tunggu bebudak ni siap..sekejap g aku gak yg paling lambat turun..besa arr..hari ni da masuk hari ke-7 kite pose..harap2 ibadah pose kali ni lancar walo beratus tan batu batan dugaan de kat depan, depan mate pun de..janji iman kena teguh..wahaha.. aku nak kena pegi lu...

pose2..

~p0Se 0h... p0Se....~

Mungkin ramai yang tertanya apa kaitan kereta ni dengan post kali ni..haha..pagi ni kami keluar bersahur bersama..atas sebab2 yang tak terduga kami terpaksa bersantai di tepi jalan sambil bercanda di hentian bas..sampai jer kat umah aku terus hantar post yang terbaru..sebenarnya takde selera pun makan tadi..asyik ingatkan masakan mama kat umah..tapi dari berpose dengan perut yang penuh angin..ku sebat jua nasi tadi..anyway ckp epi kuar malam ni.lebey2 lagi lepak kat tepi jalan ramai2..wahaha..

~s0Q...s0Q..mAi ramai2 p s0Q....~

[selamat bpose sok ari kengkawan...]

ThAnkZ aNgAh..

Dedicated 2 ma luvly little sister with hope u got everything u pursue & dreams..

pabila kita mengenali seseorang,
sebenarnya kita telah merelakan hati kita untuk dilukai...
pabila kita menyayangi seseorang,
sesungguhnya kita telah membenarkan diri untuk dibenci...
pabila kita terlalu merindui seseorang,
kita telah bersedia untuk dilupakan..
meskipun amat terseksa tapi itulah hakikat sebenar kehidupan....

[kita boleh dilupakan tapi tidak untuk melupakan: ('',)]

temani sepi..

~apa yang aku tulis takde kena mengena dengan title..malam ni amat bosan..kerja berlambak tapi takde idea..otak dah tepu..nak tengok monitor ni pun dah naik bosan. Malam ni harap ada aktiviti yang menarik, boleh buang masa aku dari buat benda2 yang tak berapa betul dari pandangan akal..Hujan dari pagi sampai ke malam, aku stuck jer kat umah..bukan merungut sebab hujan..aku suka sangat masa hujan turun..teringat dulu2 penah kejar2 sum1 dalam hujan..sampai jer kat die senyum..sekarang memang amat sibuk tapi de je masa aku nak anta post baru..diari aku dah tersadai seminggu..dah lama aku tak tulis pe2..tapi malam ni aku nak tulis sikit..dah jadi kebiasaan 6 bulan ni tulis diari..~

tiap baris ku titip kata..
agar aku tak pernah lupa..
semalam jadikan sejarah,..
kenangan pedoman hidup...
hari ini kenyataan..
pengajaran dan pelajaran dari kesilapan semalam...

hUjan D pAgI Ini...

Hujan hari ini...tapi tetap tak dapat menghentikan kesibukan hidup...kelangsungan hidup aku berterusan takkan terhenti selagi ade nafas dalam tubuh ini..hari2 biasa dilalui..tapi kebosanan kian mencengkam,acap kali juga aku keluar menghirup udara segar..lebih2 lagi lepas hujan turun, nikmatnya tak terhingga melenyapkan semua debuan dan kotoran..alangkah bagus jikalau ingatan dan memori boleh dipadamkan..lenyap dan terus hilang bagai debuan yang lemas dalam renyai hujan..memang semua ingatan tu amat bermakna dan tak terganti tapi kehidupan ni bagai dalam satu larian yang panjang, tiada siapa yang menjangka bila akan berhenti melepas penat, menghapus dahaga...Aku baru jer pulang & aku titipkan semua ni kala aku mengingati dirimu...semua tak begitu mudah untuk ku lepaskan tapi kadang2 semua terjadi di luar kemahuan & kemampuan kita..

Hujan...
kau jadilah temanku,
kau lenyapkan dukaku,
kau bawalah kenanganku pergi dengan titismu..
biar aku rasa dinginmu,
biar aku terlena dalam renyaimu yang berterusan..
kau hujan,..
kau temani sepi aku...

doaku buatmu...

Ya Allah....

Seandainya telah engkau catatkan...
Dia milikku tercipta buatku...
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku...
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami....
Agar kemesraan itu abadi...

Dan ya Allah... ya tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihi...
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini...
Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi...

Tetapi ya Allah...
Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan....
Dia bukan miliku...
Bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku....
Luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku...
Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan....

Serta ya Allah ya tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti....
Berikanlah aku kekuatan...
Melontar bayangannya jauh ke dada langit...
Hilang bersama senja nan merah..
Agarku bisa bahagia...
Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya...

Dan ya Allah yang tercinta...
Gantilah yang telah hilang....
Tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah...
Walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya...

Ya Allah ya tuhanku...
Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdirmu...
Sesungguhnya apa yang telah engkau takdirkan...
Adalah yang terbaik buat ku....
Kerana Engkau Maha Mengetahui...
Segala yang terbaik buat hamba Mu ini...

Ya Allah...

Cukuplah engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaku...

Di dunia dan di akhirat...
Dengarlah rintihan dari hamba Mu yang daif ini...
Jangan engkau biarkan aku sendirian...
Di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat...
Menjuruskan aku kearah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran...
Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman...
Supaya aku dan dia sama2 dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup...
Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai...
Dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan yang soleh....

Amin.. Ya Rabbal A'lamin...

ma 1st p0st...

SALAM...mukadimah pembuka kata, dengan harapan sejuta keberkatan dari yang maha esa, tuhan pencipta alam..maha agung maha kaya..dalam mengenang kita terlupa yang kita dilimpahi pelbagai nikmat, dalam tenang kita lupa glora yang bakal melanda..tapi syukur dalam dingin pagi yang tenang ni diberikan kelapangan hati & sedikit keberanian untuk dititipkan dalam post kali ni...

"aku mataharimu…
tapi tak menghangatkanmu
aku pelangi..
tapi warnaku tak seindah kau hajati
aku bintangmu
tapi tak menemanimu ke siang hari"

sedang menghitung hari kadang terlupa akan ujian & dugaan yang sedang melanda diri ini..tapi syukur dapat ku harungi walau sedikit perit & sukar..rebah akan tetap ku bangun & melangkah, walau terpakasa merangkak sekalipun akan ku cuba menempuh..kerna semua yang menanti tak seindah dijanji..hari ini pasti tapi esok belum tentu dijanjikan buatku..

"senjaku jingga,
tapi tenang dalam gelora,
malam sunyi,
bulan menyendiri tanpa cahaya bintangmu .."